I know this song is related to one creepy movie. I will get where I am going and not from the lack of trying have been working on getting the. MT bound. 

I am torn in two and feel lost in the world. Lacking motivation I might just sink for sinkings sake. I really do. It is like the whole world shifted with out me and nothing means what it used to. I find my inner and outer self cowering sometimes whimpering " I want to go home" but truth is there is no where no home, no one. Right now I am so far behind that I can feel the murky goopiedy gunk of life fills my very being.Blurp, gurggle, gurggle.

These bastards are suppose to hatch in to hatchlings than into animated somethings........ hurry up little bastards!

You know that in the begining of this whole mess stress was high. Perhaps I've reached an "I dont care" point in life. What happened a few weeks ago has changed my whole out look on this life thing. I will see how long this lasts.
Tomorrow I head out to go check upon this whole school situation. A new career will do me some good,aswell as E. All part of the long struggle of reaching C, after this the only other thing in my way is the other care taker. The choice comes to despose of the grave keeper or to bring it along and despose of it later.
Time will tell. One step at a time.



You are Psychic!


What's Your Magic Power?
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I am sick of having other peoples problems shoved down my throat. The stress is killing me. I mean,I don't C telling/asking me, but everyone else needs to find someone eles. So today I took some "me time" everywhere for about two hours. Calming myself by pressing my face against the cold wet tiles I started laughing at such an odd point in my "me time" you see a great song popped in to my head, and became the only thing I want to write about!
Coin-Operated Boy

Coin operated boy
Sitting on the shelf he is just a toy
But I turn him on and he comes to life
Automatic joy
That is why I want
A coin operated boy

Made of plastic and elastic
He is rugged and long-lasting
Who could ever ever ask for more
Love without complications galore

Many shapes and weights to choose from
I will never leave my bedroom
I will never cry at night again
Wrap my arms around him and pretend

Coin operated boy
All the other real ones that I destroy
Cannot hold a candle to my new boy
And I'll never let him go
And I'll never be alone
And I'll never let him go
And I'll never be alone, go
And I'll never be alone, go
And I'll never be alone, go
And I'll never be alone, go
And I'll never be alone
Not with my coin operated boy

This bridge was written to make you feel smittener
With my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
Can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
I didn't think so but I'm still convinceable
Will you persist even after I bet you
A billion dollars that I'll never love you
And will you persist even after I kiss you
Goodbye for the last time
Will you keep on trying
To prove it
I'm dying
To lose it
I'm losing
My confidence
I want him
I want him
I want him
I want him
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want you
I want a
I want a
I want a
I
Want
A
Coin operated boy

And if I had a star to wish on
For my life I can't imagine
Any flesh and blood could be his match
I can even take him in the bath

Coin operated boy
He may not be real
Experienced with girls
But I know he feels
Like a boy should feel
Isn't that the point
That is why I want a
Coin operated boy
With his pretty coin operated voice
Saying that he loves me
That he's thinking of me
Straight and to the point
That is why I want
A coin operated boy
(fyi)
Yes this song is talking about "toys" and well so am I. :)
The fun melody and circus like music is perfect for this mornings mischief.

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm" You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone... Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-) You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear. Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing. The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person. Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life. You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face. Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Your Underwear Says About You

You tend to throw out your underwear after a few months. It gets used and abused! You're sexy, in that pinup girl, tease sort of way.

We used to play this game called “high-low” that I came up with. Then everything started going wrong and I stopped asking. The point of it was to keep communication alive, not that we ever had a problem. It was also meant to go over the good aspects of the day as well as the bad, and to discuss them. It always worked so well in the past to help over see my problems and find new solutions other wise over looked. So here is my “high-low” for the day.
Here is my low: Today my heart called (no that’s not bad at all, in fact can be added to the high pile.). Her brother had written her a bad check and it knocked her into the red a few hundred dollars. A problem that may not seem so bad, but everything has gone so wrong for her that she felt busted. She regretted moving away and I had to talk her down. She did not mean it I know. I just find it ironic that I of all people keep encouraging her to stay. This used to be our game after all, and yes I miss her. I feel useless here I can not fix anything or protect her. Yes, I want her back but that’s my heart and hearts answers are always tainted. In my mind I know it’s where she wants to be. Well anyway. The day got worse as I found out Gramps is in I.C.U for unknown internal bleeding. Everything is so screwed up its all just a jumble of events.
My high for the day is crummy to say the least, but still a high I took a wonderful bath with “E” tonight and all around we had a loving evening as usual. Going over “E’s” day we discussed things new about school. Also when I drug the trash to the end of the yard I stopped walking back up the enormous hill and saw the most beautiful star canvas I have seen in a while. It’s done nothing but flood for weeks now and I was proud to see no clouds for a change. Even though it was stone cold out there it was still beautiful and still. I almost wish I had not left my easel, paints, and canvas. A better day will come even if it takes the next life to bring it.


DEVIL/PAN
"the joker, worker, stabilizer"
You are gifted when it comes to protecting yourself

from judgements cast upon you by others. In

fact, you are not easily thrown by external

reality. You have the capacity to work and

play hard and to laugh at yourself. This is

the card of humour and sexuality (it is the

only card with genital symbols).

"Devil" spelled backwards is

"lived", and it is very fitting.

You live with humour and have a stable

foothold on life. Of course, you do love

setting the occasional bit of mischief into

play.


which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results
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What a slow and dragging day. Full of bad news and everyones own bullshit! I wrote to you to day and E drew some pics for you. I was thinking about our situation this afternoon. So much so I think even though I am still greatly upset about loosing my childhood and life long friend, now that the option of coming back is set infront of you I just want you to stay, I will be alright. You hate this place as much as I do and though I miss you I would rather you be there. This having been said maybe I will actualy write it down or
tell you. When we were really young and our friendship had just began to build a strong wall around us you asked mesomething. It was after hours of being awake and talking. Talking about our parents and thier lost friends. You asked me if we would be like them and I told you no. You asked how could I know, and I said I would not allow it. Well though these were the rambles of stupid children I still believe it, and I know you still count on it. Though we are no longger in danger and need not the protection from the other we still need each other. So I make you another promise, my heart.

Even if we can not join you where you are, distance holds no ground here and time no object. If I miss this train out I will meet you in NC when we are old and gray. I love you and goodnight.

turns out you're a black rose. but you knew that

the moment you started taking this quiz.

you're dark and poetic, leaning towards the

moody side. you're that loner siting in the

back of the room with a mysterious attraction

to them.. and no wonder. hell, you're a

black rose-- everyone is fascinated by you,

they just don't usually know how to approach

you. which is probably how you like it...


what non-stereotypical flower would you be (with pictures)
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Good god, I believe the sun has been stolen. My walk was cut short this morning because I got wind burn on all open points of my flesh. Though the redness is gone it still hurts. I love the winter, but hate the cold, damn cold I wish it were spring again. The path is so much more beautiful in spring. Although, this morning I had the strangest thing happen a female deer (only guessing so because it had no horns, though it was huge!) stopped across my path. It only stood there for a moment, we both did, and just look at each other. How weird. If I were her I would have ran,but she did not. after a moment of inspection she just walked off slowly. Yeah weird. Well thats all I care to talk about is the good today. Until next time, keep warm. :)

Your Stipper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

Finally a simple careless day. So long over due.
I did not sleep last night, perhaps that’s the key. I was so worried and stressed about the day before that I just could not shut down. I reached so hard last night, calling my night owl friends, trying to talk about anything but yesterdays events. Trying to push my thoughts out of my mind so that it may rest. Sounds strange I am sure, but when I was a little girl I would always watch something funny or cartoons after a horror movie it helped me sleep. Giving me something else to think about. To fight back with. Strange that I still apply that today. However, my issue yesterday sent me into so many fears and stories that no number of cartoons, comedies, or people could make it stop.
Oddly enough this has probably proven to be my chicken noodle soup for the events and every other that surrounds me. I was and am so tired that I can not worry about anything. Not at all, all day it has been like this. I feel peaceful, calm even everything seem to be at ease. Maybe I should sleep less often.